Mirrors
by ReunitedLight
Summary: Atton/Exile oneshot. Both Meetra and Atton somehow enjoy being on Nar Shaddaa for different reasons. But one night, when they're grabbing a drink at the Star Cluster Casino, questions get asked, pasts get uncovered, and old names resurface for the first time.


**Mirrors**

 _ReunitedLight_

Atton/Exile short story

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They were hanging out at the Star Cluster Casino, at one of those tables outside. The newly trained Jedi Sentinel and his Master sat in their cold metal chairs, overlooking Nar Shaddaa, taking in the planet. It was beautiful in the dark and dirty kind of way, bright neon lights almost blinding and the smell of smoke and alcohol hanging in the air.

Meetra leaned back in her chair. "Nar Shaddaa. No matter how many times I come back here, no matter how many misfortunes I've experienced here, it always felt like a second home to me, y'know?"

Her companion squirmed in his seat. He'd listened to her terrible fashion advice and left his beloved jacket hanging there unworn in the cockpit of the _Ebon Hawk_ , and now he had donned a dark set of Jedi robes instead. He didn't like it. Made him feel like he was wearing some foreign skin. It was dirty, twisted. But he looked Meetra in the eye and agreed. "Yeah. And, uh, speaking of that, sweets, lemme order us another round of juma. You really can't get anything better than what they serve here."

She raised an eyebrow. "What, you trying to loosen us up for another heart-to-heart interrogation session? I mean, _sure_." She paused, and then the anxiety of their journey flooded over her, and she sighed and snapped, "Taking this Force-forsaken detour over to this planet was a good idea of yours, especially when we're mission critical. There's stuff to be done, Atton! We just can't ignore that."

Atton bit his lip at her change of demeanor. He shrugged anyway. "The rest of the crew can take care of whatever, isn't that right? Most of 'em are being trained to become goody-two-shoes Jedi like yourself-"

"Hey! You too, Atton. Or did you conveniently forget that?"

"-and I think they know what kinda burden they've got on their shoulders. You and I…" He leaned in closer and she leaned back, and she could feel his smoky, warm breath on her lips. Proximity was still intoxicating, but Meetra held his gaze. "We need some alone time every once in a while, don't you agree?" he continued.

She was mildly flattered and couldn't help it when a cheeky grin appeared on her face, but she fought it. "We're not an item," she told him. "Thought you might remember that after that last angsty conversation we had."

"Who are you calling angsty?" Atton retorted at first, and then trailed off. Atton didn't budge, and Meetra was expecting for him to come up with some sort of snarky comeback to prove that they were indeed whatever he thought they were, but he didn't. His lips tightened and for a moment he looked so _dark_ with his brown hair falling over his face in wisps, his murky hazel eyes, and those twilight-colored robes. She sensed something huge was coming, like a waterfall bursting.

"Jaq," he muttered slowly and it wasn't even clear if he was talking to her or not. It was like he wasn't even himself, and the sheer sound of his old name was enough to send Meetra's mind into swirls, opening walls she'd previously kept off limits and there was one name in particular that stood out to her amongst all of the others that were pouring out. She opened her mouth as if to puke but only one sound was released.

"Aylin."

Whatever that was, it was enough to snap Atton out of his haze. He glanced sharply at Meetra, eyes fogged over with confusion. "What was that?"

"Aylin," she said again, but Atton still didn't understand.

His eyes darted from her to the balcony and the cityline and back, waiting for her to say something more. When she didn't, he forgot all of the pain that he was feeling over his old name peeking out from the shadows of his consciousness. "Are you alright? That… is that a name, maybe? Who?"

Meetra was still in a daze and her eyes bore straight into his, blue oceans suddenly so much more deep and dangerous and untamed than before. It didn't seem like she heard what he was asking, but her lips parted and she pointed wordlessly at herself as if she were answering his question.

Atton took her hand in his. It was thin. Warm, callused, from gripping a lightsaber so tightly.

Her voice finally broke through her walls. "It's simple," she murmured, voice almost disembodied. "You are… 'Atton'." The way she said his name evoked pain in his heart, and he wanted to shut his eyes and turn away from that name, squirming exposed in the yellow light. She said it simply, easily, matter-of-factly, as if that secret of his was one they'd shared forever.

"And I am 'Meetra'. So is the idea that there was a name before this one so hard to believe?" The question was spoken lightly and for a moment Atton was almost able to delude himself into thinking that there was some small amount of innocence left inside either of them.

No, it wasn't hard to believe, Atton realized, as he stared up at the woman that, only a few conversations ago, he'd been traveling with only for the chance of sleeping with her like he did sometimes with dancers such as the ones here, on Nar Shaddaa. And it made him feel dirty and jaded once again, like he didn't deserve her. He thought he was a better man than that. But at the same time, it made him feel like there was finally someone who could understand him. He supposed that he and the Exile had more in common than he'd ever anticipated.

Aylin, it was a pretty name. More pleasant to the ears than Meetra, though Meetra-its sound, the arrangement of the letters-felt more familiar and sweet to him. He wondered why she would pick that kind of name, one such as Meetra. So Aylin was foreign, it was someone else from a time long gone. He thought he knew her, but really, he only knew a fraction of her. He only knew Meetra, the part of this greater whole that… he couldn't put a name to.

"Aylin." He tasted the name on his tongue, like a small child speaking for the first time.

Meetra was surprised at this whole ordeal. She never expected that she would be able to find this one small gemstone that made up the mines of her memory and pull it out like this, without breaking a sweat, without falling into madness and delirium. The way he said her name, so innocently, his voice like a low hum, was comforting. His mind opened up and swallowed this other part of her whole. He just accepted it, like she accepted him.

"And Jaq," she whispered back, curious to see his reaction. But when she didn't get the closed off walls and a man retreating back into his shell like she usually did, she paused, continuing to watch, heartbeat locked with his.

And then he smiled. But it wasn't evil or sinister, back when he still harbored hate for the Jedi and when he spat the word out like poison. It wasn't like when Jaq came out to play. It was just a small grin. She hadn't seen one like it before and imagined Jaq, a small boy, with that same brown hair and crooked smile, perched on top of a small mountain on Alderaan, and the view was breathtaking. It was beautiful. All of that life swirling everywhere was such a stark contrast to the man that Jaq would become. It almost mirrored a young Aylin staring out across the once beautiful plains of Dantooine.

"Such a pretty name." The sudden presence of Atton's voice broke Meetra's image of the rolling Alderaanian hills, but she didn't mind. She studied his face. It wasn't bad to look at. Quite good-looking, actually, if you paid attention to the right places. "But I see you're past that now, Mee, as I am."

She nodded. "You're right. Aylin…" she swallowed and felt a lump in her throat. Aylin, the young Jedi Padawan who had two very powerful friends, Revan and Malak. Revan and Malak weren't even their real names, and Meetra knew them, but that was a thought that could be set for another time. Aylin, who had followed those friends to war, feeling like those three as a team could take down anything that dared to stand in their way and win. Aylin, the Jedi General. Aylin, the murderer. Aylin, the beginning of the Jedi Exile. And Aylin's death, those last few nights in a crowded cantina on Nar Shaddaa, drinking herself into unconsciousness and wondering why she wasn't dead yet from the lack of the Force, why she was now only a fraction of who she used to be.

"...and Jaq," Atton finished. "You know they'll always be a part of us, sweets. But now we are so much more than they ever could've imagined. Look at me, a fracking Jedi Sentinel when only a while ago I was murdering them like some bloodthirsty animal. And you…" he broke off, voice cracking. "Force, Meetra, do I really have to spell it out for you? Do I really have to tell you to look into a mirror right now and see…"

That was all right. He couldn't say it yet, but Meetra heard the unspoken words.

She flicked her eyes away from his for the first time that evening, choosing to stare out at Nar Shaddaa. It was polluted and mostly disgusting and full of people without morals. But it was also the perfect place for people to lose themselves and start anew. Maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.

The first press of his lips to hers was like a dream and she snapped back from the endless cityscape, back to her world, her reality, that had become Atton. She had come to rely on him, to need him there when she woke up every morning. She embraced him through the kiss and he clung desperately onto her, catching her waist. The table was knocked over with a loud _clang_ and one of the chairs plunged from the balcony, and people were watching, but Meetra didn't care. They were two heartless murderers, each stained with their own kind of blood, engaged in an act of acceptance, and maybe a hint of love if there was such a thing left in this dark and desolate galaxy. Aylin and Jaq, Atton and Meetra. The lines between them blurred.

 _We're beyond names_ , Meetra thought at last, and that last taste, that last note of their kiss hung sorrowfully in the air, something she could hold in her heart even as they went on to their opposite ends of the galaxy, and its deepest, darkest depths.

The note, it kept dancing and spiraling on, forever imprinted in her mind's eye.

 _Fin_

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Thanks so much again for reading :) This was kind of a companion to Saturn, taking place a little while after that short story! I kind of went with my headcanon on this, as Meetra Surik is the Jedi Exile, but in my mind I feel like it would have been possible for her to have a name before that one, just like Atton did. And after I came up with the idea I decided to have them bond over that, since they now have yet another thing in common. Love them so much-and yes, they finally kissed! XD

I hope you enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed writing it! A review would mean a lot to me, so leave one if possible, and I'll definitely be sure to write more of this pairing. It's so dark and angsty and sad but I also find that that makes their relationship so much more beautiful. So yeah, end of my rant! Have a wonderful day!

-ReunitedLight


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